A Day in the Life of:
by neptune42
Summary: A humourous look at the daily lives of characters in the Harry Potter universe. Just what does Lucius Malfoy do when he's not threatening people at Hogwarts? How does Draco spend his summer vacation?
1. A Day in the Life of Lucius Malfoy

A day in the life of Lucius Malfoy:  
  
7:00 amTime to wake up and berate house elf for not singing "Wake Up Sunshine" in the key of F.  
  
7:30 Breakfast. Berate house elf for presenting copy of "The Daily Prophet" upside down.  
  
8:00 Lovingly polish collection of Dark Arts Memorabilia.  
  
12:00pm Lunch. Berate house elf for putting two sprigs of parsley on quiche, not three. Two sprigs are for the even-numbered days.  
  
12:30Write stern letter to Draco threatening to throw out his vintage collection of Chocolate Frog cards if he doesn't get better marks than that mudblood Hermione Granger in Potions ASAP. Berate house elf for not clipping the claws on owl at a precise angle.  
  
1:00 Nap time. Berate house elf for fanning too vigorously.  
  
2:00 Inspect gardens. Use Avada Kedavra curse on gnomes.  
  
3:00 Tea time with Narcissa. Berate house elf because cookies are too sugary.  
  
3:30 Write love letter to Voldemort.  
  
4:00 Croquet with the Crabbes and Goyles. Berate house elf for twitching while being used as a mallet.  
  
6:00 Supper. Berate house elf for pounding head on the good china cabinet.  
  
8:00 Backgammon with MacNair. Plot to rid the world of mudbloods.  
  
9:30 Retire to drawing room with brandy. Berate house elf because fire in fireplace is too crackly.  
  
10:30 Time for a bubble bath. Dream of Snape.  
  
11:00 Retire to bed after a long day. Berate house elf because bunny slippers are not fluffy enough. 


	2. Draco's Summer Vacation

A Day in the Life of Draco's Summer Vacation  
  
  
7:00 am Wake up and throw Bludger at house elf for waking me up.  
  
7:01 Go back to sleep.  
  
7:10Promise father I will be getting up "soon".  
  
7:11Go back to sleep.  
  
7:20Mother has That Tone in her voice. Get out of bed.  
  
7:30 Breakfast. Make house elf fetch 10 different flavours of jam, and then decide to have marmalade instead.  
  
8:00Look in wardrobe and spend some time deciding which pair of leather pants to wear.  
  
8:30Help father polish his collection of Dark Arts memoribilia. Remind myself that some day this will be mine.  
  
11:30An owl delivers an envelope. Did Fleur write back? No, just a love letter from Pansy Parkinson. Fold it into shape of a hawk and throw it at house elf.  
  
12:00 pm Lunch. Tell mother horrid stories about the food at Hogwarts, and emphasize how much nicer the food is at Durmstrang.  
  
12:30Father orders me to work on my school assignments for the summer. Draw a picture of Hermione Granger with huge buck teeth and bushy hair with twigs sticking out of it. Send it to her by owl.  
  
1:00Sneak into the kitchen and steal cookies. Pour salad oil on the floor for the house elf to slip on.  
  
1:45Father comes in to inspect my homework. As he lectures, dream of Harry Potter being struck by lightning during a Quidditch match.  
  
2:00Use Floo Powder to meet up with Crabbe and Goyle at the Leaky Cauldron. Strut into London. Order them to distract Muggle store clerks while I shoplift.  
  
3:30Stroll down Diagon Alley and spot Ron Weasley. He's staring at a Firebolt in the window of Quality Quidditch Supplies. Drop a spider onto his ice cream cone.  
  
4:00Return home to play croquet with the neighbours. Hit balls at Millicent Bulstrode whenever possible.  
  
5:30Watch as father berates house elves for washing the windows so that the sun reflected off of them into his eyes, ruining his game.  
  
6:00Supper. Listen to father's boasting tales of the Death Eaters. Trip the house elf carrying the treacle pudding.  
  
7:00Quidditch practice with my Slytherin mates. Paint glasses and lightning scar on the Golden Snitch. Enjoy squeezing it very much.  
  
9:00Bath time. Coat bathroom walls with bubbles for the house elf to clean up.  
  
10:00Bedtime snack. Pretend to admire mother's embroidery work. Dream of pouring one of Snape's potions on it.  
  
10:30Father orders me to bed. Make house elf stand outside my door and bang head on wall so I can listen to the Wizarding Wireless Network without parents telling me to turn it off.  
  
10:45House elf is knocked unconscious. Go to sleep, dreaming of victory over Mudbloods.  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Dobby the House Elf

A Day in the Life of Dobby  
  
5:30 amRise and shine! Dobby is so happy to wake up!  
  
5:45Dobby starts watering the house plants. Dobby accidentally spills water on the African Shrinking Violets. Dobby beats self across the ears with watering can.  
  
6:30Time to start cooking breakfast. Commence squeezing the oranges for Master's juice.  
  
7:00Dobby sings "Joy to the Wizards" to Master and Mistress.  
  
7:05Dobby slams fingers in door for forgetting Dobby is supposed to sing "Ballad of the Purebloods" on the thirteenth of each month that has thirty-one days.  
  
7:15Dobby races around kitchen to get breakfast finished.   
  
7:30Time to start serving breakfast. Avoid Master Draco's attempts to pour syrup on Dobby.  
  
7:35Dobby bangs head on door for allowing a seed to escape into Mistress Narcissa's juice.  
  
7:40Master Lucius doesn't like his tie and throws it on the floor. Dobby fails to catch it - this time.  
  
8:00Dobby clears the dishes. Master Lucius does not notice that Dobby did not drop one utensil, for the eighty-first meal in a row.  
  
8:30Dobby gathers all the soiled clothing for laundry. Dobby wishes Master Draco would learn to throw clothes into the basket - or onto Dobby.  
  
10:30Mistress Narcissa requires Dobby to help with her knitting. Dobby holds out arms for her to wind yarn on.  
  
11:30Dobby is allowed to drop arms to start lunch. Mistress Narcissa was complaining his arms shook too much.  
  
12:00pmLunch is served. Master Lucius is furious that the lettuce leaves are arranged in a clockwise pattern.  
  
12:05Master Draco declares the soup is too hot. Dobby performs a Chilling Charm.  
  
12:10Master Lucius complains his pasta is too cold. Dobby performs a Warming Charm.  
  
12:15Mistress Narcissa finds her tea is too lemony. Dobby fetches her a new cup.  
  
12:20Master Draco pouts that his ice cream is too warm. Dobby sticks a spoon into his ear. Dobby's ear.  
  
12:30Dobby clears the dishes, only to be tripped by Draco in the corridor. Dobby is forced to clean up the mess with one hand tied to one foot.  
  
1:00One of the other house elves gets to fan Master Lucius during his nap. Dobby won a bet! Dobby goes to the gardens for weeding.  
  
3:00Dobby serves tea to the McNairs as they visit. Master Lucius is boastfully predicting how Draco will do at his first year at Hogwarts. Dobby makes a wish for his friends who work there.  
  
4:00Time to commence supper preparations. Dobby goes to the local river to catch the fish.  
  
6:00Supper is served. Mistress Narcissa finds a bone in her salmon. Draco hands Dobby a candle to better light his nose on fire.  
  
7:00The other house elves clear the dishes as Dobby casts a Healing spell on Dobby's nose.  
  
8:00Dobby prepares the drawing room for the evening. Dobby manages to escape before Mistress Narcissa requires him to dye more embroidery floss.  
  
10:30Master Lucius' bath time. Dobby does his pedicure tonight.  
  
11:30The family has retired for the evening. Dobby spends a couple of hours destroying all the spiders in the garden shed before calling it a night.  
  



End file.
